UNBOUND: THE BEGINNING OF THE TALE OF THE DRAGONBORN
by Heiwako
Summary: A parody fic that starts in Helgen and may or may not go from there. Our favorite Mary Sue Dragonborn Marilena is back for the first time as we see her take of the opening of Skyrim.
1. Helgen

UNBOUND: THE BEGINNING OF THE TALE OF THE DRAGONBORN

She woke up in a bouncing cart with a pounding headache and her hands bound in front of her. She wiggled her wrists against the bonds uselessly, the rope used to bind her was too tightly bound to be unbound by a simple flick of her delicate wrists.

She looked around and saw three men in the wagon with her. She was shocked! How had she gotten here? Who were these men?

The one to her left was very handsome. He was a blond, male Nord. He wore blue armor. "You're finally awake," he said blandly. He said more stuff, but she stopped paying attention to him because really who wanted to hear the opening game dialogue again?

Le sigh.

There was another Nord in front of her. He was a brunette and less good looking. Probably because he was dark haired. Everyone knew that the really good looking kids were blonde.

Everyone.

She ignored him too because he was ranting about Stormcloaks and really who had time for that? Besides being ugly, he was dirty. Gross….

The man to her right was down right girl boner inducing hot! He was also a blonde Nord male man and he was older. He had piercing blue eyes and a gag. On his mouth. She was instantly curious about him! The guy on her left, Ravioli, said the gagged man's name was Ulfric Stormcloak. He seemed important and introspective and stuff. But mostly hot.

They arrived at a crappy town full of stupid people making pointless comments that she ignored. Seriously, no one cared what they said.

The wagons stopped and they were told to get out. She got out with the rest. There was no other option.

A Nord dressed in Imperial armor stood before her. She thought he was an Imperial at first because he wore Imperial armor, but his name tag indicated his name was Hadvar. "Who...Are...You?" he intoned mechanically. It was sort of creepy how he said that with his dead, soulless eyes, but otherwise he was really hot for a brown haired Imperial loving Nord. Maybe she would have to change her mind on hair color and hotness.

Oh, by the way, that rambling guy died when he got shot full of arrows when he tried to run away. Can't forget that part. It's sort of important, but not really.

Meanwhile, our heroine tried to tell her captives her name. She wanted to say, "My name is Rosaria Aurora Desiree Maria Elaina Corbeau," but for some reason the words stuck in her throat as if the name was too long for some reason. Instead she had to settle for, "Maria Elaina".

"Okay, Marilena," the man mumbled as he looked at his list.

"No, it's Maria Elaina," she argued. "Well, it's actually Rosaria Aurora Desiree Maria Elaina Corbeau, but I choked."

"Marilena," he muttered again as he looked at his list some more.

"Stop mangling my name!" she screeched as she threw back her long, blonde golden hair that floated down to the back of her knees in rippled waves like ripe wheat in the summer sun. She blinked her big, lovely very round blue eyes - blue like the color of the lake in the middle of the spring when things are coming to life for the first time and hope is growing in the hearts of men everywhere. She clenched her small, delicate pale hands in a small, delicate fist. She stopped her tiny, dainty foot on the ground in frustration. It wasn't very impressinve since she was a mere 5'2" and 90 lbs and the Nords were a lot taller than her. "Say it right!"

"I don't see any 'Marilena' on the list, ma'am," the man named Hadvar said to the woman next to him.

"I don't care, she goes to the chopping block with the rest," the woman huffed. Marilena hated her instantly and would hate all Imperials for all time because of this stupid, hateful nameless bitch. She planned on killing her the first chance she got if she managed to get out of this.

There was more talking as some guy named Tullius ranted at Ulfric. Ulfric looked like he wanted to say something like, "Suck my big Nord dick," but unfortunately he was still gagged and could only look at Marilena like, "Someone shoot me right now." She understood those feels totes.

Then a dragon showed up!

Holy crap!

It yelled in draconinc and spat fire! What will happen next?!

To be continued….

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Another little parody fic with our favorite Dragonborn! This was inspired by a SKM prompt - So I love Mary Sue/Gary Stu parody stories. They're a wonderful guilty pleasure of mine.

So I'd like to make a request for one. I'd like over-the-top descriptions that compare eyes to gemstones and hair to silk and other such purple prosiness. I want a character with way too many talents to be even slightly realistic. I want an OOC romance and everyone falling all over themselves for this guy/gal.

Any race for the DB, any gender, any pairings... really I'm game for anything. Crack is a given but beyond that any potential A!As can give me pure crack, or maybe mix in some fluff, smut, whatever! I just want some terrible character silliness.

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I hoped you enjoyed it!


	2. A Lovely Letter

UNBOUND: THE BEGINNING OF THE TALE OF THE DOVAHKIIN PART 2

The trip to Riverwood from Helgen had been horrible. It was long and cold, but at least the company had been good. Marilena had decided to travel with Ravioli after they had managed to escape the evil, black (yet oddly sexy) dragon.

They had taken refuge inside the keep and found their way into the basement where the torture room was where they found the horrible (and ugly) torturer and his tall and muscular assistant. They had kicked those guys' asses and then strung them up in a cage together to get a dose of their own stupid torturer medicine.

Ravioli had taken her to Riverwood, a little nobody town where his sister lived. There was a long boring unskippable talk by the river. Marilena mostly focused on catching butterflies and picking flowers for alchemy ingredients because having potions was both useful for fights and making mad bank at the store.

There had been some talk about going to Whiterun to warn the jarl there of the dragon. Marilena wanted to stay with the ruggedly handsome Ravioli because she was scared to go on her own. She had almost cried from the absolute fear that she had felt, but she had managed to keep it in because tears freeze in Skyrim and she couldn't afford to have angry red streaks on her cheeks. Had to keep those good Breton looks until she got a husband after all.

"You must go, Marilena!" Ravioli had declared as he held her hand by the river the town was named for. "I can't go because I must go warn the extremely handsome Ulfric that the dragon might be allies with those nasty Imperials. We have to save time by splitting up!"

"I don't want to leave you!" Marilena cried. Normally she would have wept prettily, but it was still cold out. "I love you!"

"I love you too!" Ravioli said back. He swept her into his arms and they kissed passionately. It was very passionate and stuff that songs are made of. Gerdur and her husband clapped politely at the stunning display before wandering off to whatever chores they had been doing before being interrupted by the duo's news.

"What if I never see you again?" Marilena murmured from within the safety of Ravioli's arms. "What if something were to happen to you?"

"I promise we'll meet again, my love," Ravioli swore as he nuzzled his chin on the top of her lovely, little head. "Come to Windhelm after you deliver the message to Whiterun and join the Stormcloak cause!"

"I will, I will!" Marilena promised. "Immediately!"

She left her lovey, love love by the river. She was about to leave Riverwood when an elf approached her.

"Did I see you talking to Sven? Maybe not. Maybe...nevermind. But I would stay away from him if I were you," the white-haired elf muttered.

"Wut?" Marilena said, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "Who's Sven?"

"He's a bard, so he says. Occasionally he finds time to do his job here at the mill. Thinks his ballads and sonnets are going to convince Camilla Valerius to marry him. As if she would say 'yes.' An intelligent, beautiful woman like her wouldn't fall for that nonsense... I hope," the elf explained.

"Oh dear, that's horrible!" Marilena said, clutching her fists to her chest. "How can I help?"

"I don't need your jokes right now, but maybe you have a point. Maybe Camilla needs some help seeing Sven for what he is. Could you... could you give her this letter, and say it's from Sven? I think I've matched that Nord's lack of cleverness perfectly," the elf snickered wickedly as he gave Marilena a note.

"That doesn't exactly seem very honest," Marilena grumbled. "Why don't we just do flowers and long walks in the moonlight by the river?"

"If you do this, I'll train you in archery for free," Faendal promised. "It'll be a little complicated because you'll have to pay me first and then just take the money out of my pocket and give it back to me like I never noticed, but I'll totes do it."

"Done!" Marilena giggled with a cute salute. Seriously, who was going to knowingly pass up free training?

When Marilena went to give Camilla the fake note, she overheard a conversation between her and her brother about them being robbed.

"I'd love to help you get your stuff back!" Marilena offered. It was impossible for her to refuse people help who clearly needed it even if they were having a private conversation.

"Thank you!" they said gratefully! Lucan and Camilla hugged her. "You're the best."

Camilla then escorted Marilena to the edge of town. "There's Bleak Falls Barrow," she said solemnly, pointing to the ominous landmark that Marilena has completely missed on her trip here.

"Oh, thanks, but I'm not ready to leave yet," Marilena giggled. "I have to do some shopping." She showed Camilla the ten sets of Imperial armor she had taken from the corpses she had helped kill during her escape from Helgen. "Gotta sell these and get some good gear."

"That's not dark or suspicious at all!" Camilla agreed. "You even cleaned the blood off!"

"I know! I'm considerate like that," Marilena smiled. "Oh, before I forget. I have this for you. It's from Sven."

Camilla read the note, her face darkening angrily. "How dare Sven talk to me like that! And in Faendal's handwriting! I'll show him." Marilena sort of wished she had remembered to read the note before handing it over. Oh well.

Camilla stomped over to the inn where Sven was playing for the night. He was singing "The Age of Aggression" because that's one of three songs bards are legally allowed to sing in Skyrim.

"Camilla, my sweet," he said, his eyes lighting up happily when he saw her. "How are - oof!"

Camilla had kicked the handsome bard right in the family jewels. "Take that you...you...doo-doo head! We're through!" And then she left.

"Tough break, man," Marilena said as she watched him writhe on the floor, holding his abused groin. "Could you sing 'The Dragonborn Comes'? I love that song."

After Marilena sold all of her excess stuff, she approached Faendal. "Hey, I did the thing you asked. Camilla and Sven are totally broken up."

"Excellent!" Sven crowed. They high fived. It was epic.

"Can you teach me archery now?" Marilena asked as she handed him some money.

"I'll teach you all there is to know," Faendal promised. They had to repeat this exchange about ten times. It was tedious.

"Hey, you're okay," Marilena said when they were done. "Do you want to hang out some more? I'm going to this place to get a thing."

"Sure, sounds legit," Faendal shrugged.

The two of them went up to Bleak Falls Barrow and killed lot of mean bandits, nasty skeevers, gross undead, and one huge, icky spider. It was harrowing. At the end of the adventure, there was a big glowy wall with scratches and some epic music and when Marilena got closer to look at it, it all swirled and went into her.

"Oh no! I hope that's not some sort of weird ghost disease! I can't go through that again!" she wailed. Faendal hugged her and patted her back until she calmed down.

When they returned to Riverwood, Marilena and Faendal were overburdened with all the stuff they had looted off the dead (both recent and not so recent). Seriously, they had everything that wasn't nailed down or part of the background. Even all the useless mummy wraps for just in case.

Lucan and Camilla were very happy when she returned the golden claw to them. Lucan gave her some money and Camilla gave her another hug. A long, lingering hug.

"I really respect someone who does the things you do," Camilla murmured shyly. Her eyes sparkled with admiration. "Maybe we'll see each other again?"

"Sorry, I don't swing that way," Marilena said, stepping away with her hands upraised.

"Oh, I understand," Camilla said sadly. She wiped a tear from her face. "I don't think I'll ever love another like I love you though."

Marilena turned to Faendal who had witnessed the whole thing. "Sorry, I didn't mean to steal your woman."

"Nooooooo!" Faendal wailed as he fell to his knees and raised his fists to the sky. "WHY, GODS, WHYYYYY?"

Marilena shrugged as she stepped outside. He'd get over it. It wasn't her fault that she was just so pretty and loveable. She took a deep breath of the night time air. Man, it felt good to help people.

But she felt like she was forgetting something important. Something she was supposed to do...

Oh well, she'd remember later.

To be continued!

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I originally was only going to do the first chapter and leave it as is, but between the outstanding response and my own enjoyment of writing something lighthearted, I've decided to continue UNBOUND!


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